"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
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