obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
