glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
