cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
