you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
