I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
