My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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