I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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