I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
