His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
