If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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