maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
