yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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