Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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