Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
