In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
