You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
