im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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