it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
you will always have a special place in my vag
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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