cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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