Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
