I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
