ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Randomize
