i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
