Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
