I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
