did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think weed is turning my hair brown
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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