Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
