the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
