i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
