Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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