i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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