Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
