she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
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