Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
