Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
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He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
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He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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