hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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