This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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