he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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