She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
