Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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