Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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