he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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