I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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