the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
