I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
