peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
