Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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