just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
