Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
where am i from again
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
All the doctor said was why
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
