I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
