I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
