Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
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