Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
