I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
