I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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