She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
