a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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