mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
It's rum buckets o'clock
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
