i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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