Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
