just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
