can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
