So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
