yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
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