so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
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Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
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I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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