wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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