got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
