I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit