Texts From Last Night

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  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music

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  (202): Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music http://tfl.nu/ve57
  Replies (3) Good night (940) Bad night (962)
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  (970): View more from Colorado

  I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.

  (303): View more from Colorado

  Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.

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  (970): I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar. (303): Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick. http://tfl.nu/w6wy
  Replies (111) Good night (39769) Bad night (3638)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.

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  (732): You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up. http://tfl.nu/jzsw
  Replies (8) Good night (816) Bad night (3175)
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  (650): View more from California

  Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.

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  (650): Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had. http://tfl.nu/nfhv
  Replies (30) Good night (1728) Bad night (4246)
• Favorite

  (319): View more from Iowa

  On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?

  (316): View more from Kansas

  Toaster

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  (319): On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you? (316): Toaster http://tfl.nu/fbwm
  Replies (48) Good night (26347) Bad night (1824)
• Favorite

  (607): View more from New York

  Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.

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  (607): Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave. http://tfl.nu/8ei2
  Replies (12) Good night (1872) Bad night (6139)
• Favorite

  (253): View more from Washington

  Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.

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  (253): Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style. http://tfl.nu/lnre
  Replies (30) Good night (11041) Bad night (1253)
• Favorite

  (954): View more from Florida

  I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.

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  (954): I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter. http://tfl.nu/57tz
  Replies (10) Good night (1463) Bad night (3756)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is

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  (248): I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is http://tfl.nu/r4l9
  Replies (9) Good night (4443) Bad night (916)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic

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  (660): People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic http://tfl.nu/zs06
  Replies (10) Good night (1445) Bad night (878)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles

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  (+61): I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles http://tfl.nu/20ya
  Replies (3) Good night (1749) Bad night (545)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?

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  (740): I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that? http://tfl.nu/cfbo
  Replies (4) Good night (323) Bad night (658)
• Favorite

  (509): View more from Washington

  The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.

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  (509): The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by. http://tfl.nu/ohjn
  Replies (3) Good night (782) Bad night (356)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks

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  (713): Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks http://tfl.nu/eb46
  Replies (1) Good night (626) Bad night (298)
• Favorite

  (361): View more from Texas

  Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass

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  (361): Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass http://tfl.nu/9x8z
  Replies (1) Good night (531) Bad night (324)

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