People in love make me want to vomit
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Wipe that smile off your face.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
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I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
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If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?