Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
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Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The beers last night were like the tears from god
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
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I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
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