she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I love black thongs
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
21 People Who Barely Escaped Death
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.