My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
