im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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