I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Go christen that room with your naked body.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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