We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
