Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
I need to calm my uterus...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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