stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
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