john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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