I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
