On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
